The Rant

What’s the Deal with HP?
forestOkay, evidently HP hasn’t received the memo on the “green” initiative.

One of my daily responsibilities is to ensure that the 700+ HP tablets we have deployed (not at The Smiling Pirate. You couldn’t have thought this was my primary job. If so, the PayPal donations have been significantly low. Let’s kick it up a notch ya scallywags!) are working correctly. If it’s software related, our department has it under control. Accidental damage is something different. If the tablet comes into our department with physical damage to the screen or chassis, it gets sent back to HP for service.

Here is where I want you to pay close attention. With 700+ tablets in circulation, it’s not uncommon to have 30 in at one time for some type of repair. If the 30 tablets are accidental damage, they are called in with the details of the damage and other pertinent information. In return we get a ticket number (stay with me, your drifting). The following morning, 30 empty boxes arrive via Fedex Priority Overnight. At this point, the damaged tablets are to be boxed up with documentation describing the issues and sent back to HP using the enclosed pre-paid Fedex Priority Overnight label. Once HP repairs the tablets, they send us back the tablets in the same box (to this point they are somewhat resourceful). When we get the repaired tablet back, the process is complete. Except for one thing. We now have to throw out 30 cardboard boxes with foam inserts.

Now, imagine the amount of boxes we throw out per year. At least 200. We are not happy about this. We’ve asked them to please send a label only so we can reuse the boxes. They’ve yet to oblige. It’s just sickening. Think about it. We are only one of their customers. Imagine how many other customers go through this process. I’m sure there are tens of thousands of boxes being disposed of yearly. That’s an awful lot of trees.

To be continued…

Nice Weather = Idiot Drivers
Traffic calming device
I say this every year when the season changes from Winter to Spring. The nicer the weather, the more idiots there are on the roads. Forget the sun being an aphrodisiac. It’s almost like the sun is emitting UV rays that simply makes people act like idiots when they get behind the wheel. With the dozens of available distractions that people engage in while driving, we now have mother nature getting in the mix.

I was driving home from work yesterday, the same time as any other day; and for some reason it felt like there were more cars on the road than normal. Have these people been in hibernation? There’s traffic on local roads! Never mind the lines out in front of the local ice shops already. Are you kidding me? Don’t get me wrong I’ve been looking forward to the nice weather more than most; but ices! Oh right, because they need another distraction like eating to do while driving.



An Unconventional Cover Letter from a Teacher Looking for a Job
surf_class_1
Between epic swells I like to keep myself busy teaching English Language Arts. My teaching skills are unsurpassed and most people are in awe of what I do within the confines of the classroom. There are very few people in this world who come near my level of teachitude. I have honed my craft from the islands of the Pacific and wrestling turtles for dinner to the streets of Long Island. For instance, a student informed me it was their birthday and I proceeded to instruct them on how they are now one day closer to death and therefore should spend more time doing constructive things such as reading books that are super gnarly.

Please accept my resume for an English Teacher position at your school for the 2010-2011 school year. I believe that my instructional abilities, creativity, interpersonal skills and work ethic would greatly benefit your school. I firmly believe community is one of the most important aspects of working in a school. I have endeavored this year to create a like-minded community of suspender-wearing teachers each and every Thursday. While sweater-vest Wednesday and Flannel Friday seem to have fallen by the wayside, Suspender Thursday is a tradition that continues to this very day.

My dedication to the craft of teaching is evident in my use of power point to display “Do Nows”. Each and every day I have a power point that has a “Do Now” on it. This is a clear indication of the value I placed on worthwhile student activities. In short, which I am, I would like to close with a quote from William Shakespeare, “It is better to be a witty fool than to have foolish wit.”